So I’m still new to this ministry thing, but one thing seems to keep coming my way. Girls, teens, young ladies keep asking, “Seriously, you have never been kissed. What’s up with that!” Here’s my answer. It’s real important. And I hope you share it with the young men and women in your circles.
I am 22 and I have never been on a date. I’ve never had a boyfriend.
Don’t worry, I am not one of those “back off” kind of girls. I’m not single for a lack of male efforts either. Trust me, men actively pursue ladies these days.
I’m not overly picky. I’m not unreasonable. I’m just confident in my Jesus.
I am under no illusion about men. I know that a man simply cannot fulfill all of my needs. It’s impossible for him. I’m not looking for “Mr. Perfect.” The only Perfect Man I know is Jesus…and he found me.
I am just a girl completely head-over-heels in love with the God of the universe who knows what she wants and what she deserves.
I am looking for a Godly young man of great character…Christ-centered with a good head on his shoulders. I know it is completely possible for a young man to have all of my “non-negotiable standards” because you can find all of them in the Bible.
So then, why am I still single?
Why am I undateable? It’s because I understand one very simple truth:
Marriage isn’t for me.
Now be careful where you put the emphasis in that last sentence!
I’m not saying “Marriage isn’t for me.” If you’re thinking that, you should read my other writing Dear Husband. My heart, my disposition, my very being says marriage is a wonderful thing I dearly long for and desire to partake in.
Instead, put the emphasis here, “Marriage isn’t for me!” As in, marriage, in it’s very essence (biblically speaking), is selfless. I’m not meant to get married just for companionship.
Marriage is a beautiful gift granted to humans by God because it is the single greatest form of showing the unity and love between Christ and the church.
I am supposed to glorify the God of the universe in my marriage, not just “get a guy!” I will share my entire body, soul, mind, and heart with one man. I will be bound to him. We will have one identity. And in so doing marriage will never be just about him and I. Marriage is aboutGod Almighty!
Now I know I’ve been talking about marriage so you’re probably wanting to say, “But, Jessica, this blog is titled undateable.” You are so right. However, what is dating? A lot of people think a whole lot of different things about the friendship, dating, and marriage process.
Here’s how I see it.
Dating is just another step closer to marriage and it’s not to be taken lightly.
friendship >coffee dates >exclusive dating >engagement >marriage
Dating isn’t as simple as others would have it be. It isn’t “you like me, I like you, we like Jesus, let’s be together.”
If that were the case…
I’d be married with kids already!
But it’s just not that simple. Dating and marriage are both matters of vulnerable hearts on the line. So, logically, dating has to be thought out. I want to get my marriage right.
I have a dream of marrying the first man I decide to date. I want my future children to ask, “Mom, who was your first boyfriend?” I would love to point to their father across the room and say, “One man. I got it right the first time.”
So this is what I tell the girls. I just want to get it right…being careful is both spiritual and smart.