2015: The Year of Identity
Who am I?
Am I a daughter, wife, or friend?
When I fail as any of those what do I become?
When beauty fades and my stories run dry…will I still be loved?
“I know now, Lord,
why you utter no answer.
You are yourself the answer.
Before your face questions die away.
What other answer would suffice?”
Dwelling on 2015 has given me a headache. I’ve come to realize that when you go over all of your decisions and actions there is a lot of excuses, assumptions, and…let’s be real here…sin.
2015 had a lot of sin.
Now, honestly, anyone who knows me…don’t go thinking that I’m about to drop a huge bomb about sexual immorality or experimentation with the world…NOPE! It ain’t that.
I’m talking about the sin that I’m guilty of having committed over and over. A sin that might not seem so huge to you or some random person on the sidewalk.
My sin is all within my heart. It happens in my mind when I choose to submit to my flesh and pride.
My sin is a simple little voice in the back of my mind telling me things like, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” “I’ve already read that passage, of course I know what it says. I don’t need to read it again,” “Good gracious, why is this person talking to me like I don’t know this stuff?”
This is where I hang my head in utter shame.
That’s not the woman I desire to be.
That’s an enemy that I wish I didn’t know.
I wrote Flesh+Identity a bit ago about speaking at a women’s retreat on Identity in Christ. In creating the message I presented to those women I came to realize how important the topic was in my life.
I’m sure some of you out there can relate to this. My heart is in total agreement with Paul in Romans 7:15-20 when he says,
“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”
Knowing that Christ has saved me at the cost of His ultimate sacrifice, knowing that He conquered death so I don’t have to, knowing that He sent the Holy Spirit to be my guide, knowing that I have the Holy Spirit constantly within me…why would I ever, after all that, want to do things in my power?
My own power…
Weakness, pride, sin, feeble, incapable, sad.
God’s power…
Ultimate, infinite, eternal, all-knowing, beyond sufficient.
Seriously, humans…
we’ve got it all muddled up.
We decided long ago that we didn’t trust God. We chose sin and ourselves over Him. We’ve been doing that ever since. Me included. You included. We’re all included.
But, looking back on 2015,
I see so much grace.
Grace given to me by my Savior.
He did die for me.
I’m not alone.
It’s not just me left here on Earth on my own.
He never abandoned me.
He hasn’t abandoned any of us.
The reason for my original ministry name, Jesus and Jessie, came from the basic understanding that in this world…it is never just me. I have the risen Christ as my Lord and Savior. He has graced this world with His unimaginable gift of sacrifice. He gave His life on Calvary. Then God the Father sent the Holy Spirit to us. The Spirit literally made us, Christians, new creatures. We are now born again…born of Spirit. We are adopted by God. We are made His children.
No longer are we abandoned unto ourselves and our own selfish longings and passions. We now have been given the gift of everlasting life, eternal hope, perfect purpose, and unlimited grace. To top all of that off, as if it weren’t enough, He has given us the Bible with which we are given His words of wisdom. It’s those words which the Holy Spirit calls to my mind often that teach me daily. Whether we choose to learn or not is up to us.
“God has seen our unloveliness-
the deep brokenness and rebellion in our hearts-
and instead of withdrawing,
He pursues us to the very end.”
In 2015 I lost sight of who I really am far more often than I’d like. I wish I constantly remembered who I am made to be in the power of the Spirit. Losing sight of our identity is a direct path to sin.
Perspective can be powerful.
“The gospel is this:
we are more sinful and flawed
in ourselves than we ever
dared believe,
yet at the very same time
we are more loved and accepted
in Jesus Christ
than we ever dared hope.”
And so as 2016 begins to unravel itself my hope is this:
that as I live, people would recognize that I have been with the Christ.
I want my life, my words, my actions to deliver grace and truth.
I want to rely on my perfect Creator who has adopted me and loved me.
I don’t want to struggle with identity.
I want Romans 6-8 to become my practice.
I want my heart to align in the holiness of the Spirit.
I wish for more Christ-like confidence,
less self-centered insecurities.
2016 is the year I wish to completely abandon myself
into the completeness of my God.